This week has been a pretty stressful one, but It was also a good one. I went to life groups last night and we talked about what we were most passionate about. At the moment I was really tired and all I could think about really was sleep, so sleep for me was my answer. I do need to get more sleep though. So after I got home and ready for bed, I started thinking about everything I'm passionate about.
For starters I'm passionate about being a mother. I'm always reading up on how to be a better mother, and different ways of parenting, and how to deal with child fears, etc. It's a never ending process really. I want to be the best mother I can be and also be able to fill the void of not having a father figure around all of the time. Taking college classes this semester was a mistake on my part. I'm pregnant, I have two toddlers that need my full attention, and Evan's not here to take care of them while I do my homework. I hate saying that I'm neglecting my children, but that's how I feel when I'm constantly trying to get my homework done. It's never ending. Right now, I would much rather be spending all of my time with my babies instead of doing homework. I feel like they are going through very important stages in their lives right now and I'm having a hard time trying to be apart of it because of college. I want to be able to take them out on adventures, to explore new things as well, instead of being stuck at home with me all of the time because I have college.
Secondly, I'm very passionate about music. I love singing and learning how to play the guitar, piano, and ukulele. Since I've started college, I haven't had time to even pick up the guitar. I've played the ukulele once for maybe five minutes before the kids came running to help play, and I've played the piano a few times but I never have enough time to learn anything new. This is also something I'd like to spend more time working on. I can say listening to music is one of the only things that keeps me sane these days.
I'm not sure if I've posted this new news on here yet, but I've decided not to continue with college next semester. I'm not sure if I'll be picking it back up or not. If I do decide to pick it back up, it'll have to be after all the kids are in school. I'm not going to put myself through the same thing again ever. Sometimes you have good experiences and sometimes you have bad ones. Telling you college this semester was a bad experience would be a huge understatement. I want to say it was bad timing. Although I did learn a few new things here and there, it hasn't been worth all of my time effort.
Right now I need to be doing what's most important to me, and that's spending more time with my kids and giving them my full attention and learning how to be a better teacher to them. I hate that I'm always on the computer all of the time doing homework, and they don't understand why I'm glued to the computer most of the day everyday. It's not okay for me. I also want to be able to spend more time with my music, in which the kids can always learn from, rather than just watching me sit in front of a computer screen.
You feel me?