In two more weeks or less I will be holding my baby in my arms. I'm more than excited to finally see my baby that has been growing inside of me for nine months...but to be honest, I think I'm more terrified than anything else. All of these questions just keep repeating in my mind. "How am I going to do this?" is the main one. Being a semi-single mother is hard. Especially with two toddlers seventeen months apart. I can hardly go grocery shopping with two kids, how am I going to do this with three? How am I going to go out to eat at restaurants with three little rascals? How will I be able to go shopping in general with a newborn and two boys who hardly listen to what I say? Being pregnant alone has been hard enough with the two boys just because I didn't always have someone there to help me out. One child will go running in one direction while the other runs in the other direction and no matter how many times you call out to them, they don't listen and just keep on running. Now if I wasn't pregnant I could have easily sprinted to get both of the children multiple times, no problem.
I don't doubt in any way that I can't do it, because I know I can. I know It's going to be hard. I know there will be pain and heartache. I know there will be days when all I want to do is lock myself up in my room and cry. I know there will be days when I just want to send the children away for a few hours...(even though I will miss them the second they are gone.) I know there will be those rare good days where nothing goes wrong..(which usually involves staying home all day.) Most importantly, I know there will be more happiness than sadness. I know there will be plenty of joy, love, laughter, and a lot of dancing. I know I will enjoy every moment happy or sad with my children because life is a constant learning process, and we're all learning and growing together. We will fall and rise together. We will fail and succeed together. We will be unique in our own ways together, and we will love each other unconditionally no matter what. I believe that God always has a plan and I know He has a plan and a purpose for my life. I have peace in my heart knowing that He is in control, and if I continue to keep Him first in my life I can conquer all things through Him who strengthens me. I guess you could say, I am super mom because of Him. hehe
P.S. Now, I'm not so terrified anymore. (:
P.S.S. Happy Birthday to my brother Josiah who turns 18 today! Love you! ♥