Everyone who knows me and reads my blog regularly, knows that I didn't like living in Kansas. I thought it was super boring and I couldn't wait to leave. Leaving Kansas didn't bother me at all, but leaving my house that I lived in for two complete years did. I don't know about you, but I am very sentimental about certain things. I keep most of that to myself. This is our family's first deployment, and even though Evan already left on Monday I'm still trying to figure out how I'm going to cope without him for nine months.
(This is me keeping it together, before Evan leaves on Monday ^^)
Two weeks ago today, we got notice that Evan was scheduled to leave July 1st. Then on Monday last week, we were told the 23rd. Basically we were in a rush packing everything and getting the U-haul ready and contacting our family to let them know Evan is leaving a week earlier. Just imagine for one moment, all of the stress we were in. We got rid of most of our furniture for free. We had to leave a lot of things behind. Evan's mother and grandfather came up to help me with the Uhaul and all of the other things that didn't fit in it. On Monday after we said our goodbyes to Evan, my in-laws took off not long after to get a head start on the road. I had to wait a little while longer for house inspection and to sign a few papers. So while I was at my empty house full of memories alone with Judah and Micah, I broke down. I tried to keep it all together but I couldn't. While I was sweeping and mopping every room all that was going through my mind was all of the memories we made as a family. I tried to contain myself for the sake of Judah and Micah but I couldn't help it. Judah even asked me if I was okay, and Micah became sad and gave me a kiss.
(The littles weren't too happy. I'm pretty sure they knew what was going on.)
On the drive back to Missouri I cried more than a few times only because Judah kept asking where daddy was and he kept begging to go back home to daddy's house. It was a rough drive. When I arrived at my parents house, I was in no better shape. All I wanted to do was go in the "my" room and be left alone, but that wasn't possible due to way too many family members at the house visiting. Then seeing the garage full of all of our household items was even worse.
I just want Evan to be with us all of the time. I'm trying to keep myself in high spirits but this is really tough. I've been told by more than one army wife that "it gets easier, trust me. You'll get used to it." I understand it'll get easier over the years but I don't want to ever get used to it. That sounds so awful. I don't want to get used to my husband being gone all of the time. I'm literally a married single mother over here. I don't want to be a single mother. I'm MARRIED! I shouldn't have to be a single mother. You feel me?
However, I do understand why my husband has to be deployed and I understand why he's in the Army. I respect him for what he does and for loving this country so much as to choose a profession that puts his job first and his family second. I'm still trying to wrap this reality around my head.
Evan, I love you and miss you like crazy. ♥