Wednesday, February 8, 2017

8 Journals...13 Years

All of these years I've carried a journal around with me. In each of those journals lies a piece of who I am and who I used to be. I remember buying my first journal at Claire's with my sister. It's the orange Cancer sign. haha I had that journal the longest. It took me a while to fill it up. In the last few pages you'll read that I got my first boyfriend. My next few journals consisted of the same boyfriend and the same group of friends. Then, along came Evan.

If I wanted to take a trip down memory lane. All I would have to do is open up one of these bad guys to relive those moments. Even if I didn't write much, just a sentence from that day could easily refresh my memory. I mainly used my journals as an outlet for when I was frustrated, upset, angry, sad, or heart broken. I lost some very close and dear people through those years who I learned a lot from...but also, left us much too soon. But, I also wrote about some of my very best moments that I never want to forget. A few messages from friends, some loved poems, a few photos to go along with a story, letters, prayers, and notes. It's all there. My life story.

If you didn't know me and read my journals, I think you'd describe me as a lost person who doesn't know what she wants and doesn't know what she's doing. Someone who wasn't sure of what she was going to do with the rest of her life or who she wanted to spend it with. A girl who didn't care to be popular but secretly wished she was. A girl who was very blessed but didn't know it. A girl who had a dream but was too afraid to pursue it. A girl that just wanted to be done with high school so that she could find herself. But we all know what happened after that! haha Some days I feel like I'm still trying to find myself. Then I look at my kids and I know who I am.

A while back I thought about burning my journals because I'm not so sure if I would want anyone reading them if something ever happened to me. I wrote some pretty dark stuff in there. I was also very immature back in the day and did some pretty selfish things that I'm not proud of, but it's all there on paper for someone to read. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I didn't burn them, not because I want someone to read it, but because to me that's my art. That's my life's work in there. If you compare my first journal to my last, it's not the same person writing. You can see how much I've grown and learned along the way. Life is a journey and you can hate it, have regrets, and wish it never happened...or you can learn from it and embrace it all, because that's what makes you who you are today.

You ever hear a song and it instantly put you in a great mood? Looking at my collection of filled written journals gives me that same feeling. So here's to making great memories, listening to your favorite record, spending time with loved ones, and living life in the present.

Thanks for reading. 

Monday, January 23, 2017

Our Two Days of Snow and Life Lately

I hope you enjoyed the pictures. I'm pretty sure this is the last of the snow we will see this year in North Carolina. I will always be a Missouri girl at heart and I love me some snow! At least it hasn't been cold at all since the first week of January. I always say, if it's going to be cold, it better be with snow. haha I'm not really sure if it's like this every year in NC, but I can't help but think it's because of global warming. I'm probably overthinking it because I'm used to MO and KS weather.

Anyways, home school has been back in full swing and I've been spending soo much time teaching and learning for myself. I've been trying different tactics to get Judah and Micah more engaged about what we're learning. My goal is to make them love learning and I want them to get excited about school. Our first semester didn't go as well as I had planned because I had this idea in my mind that if it didn't work out, I could just put Judah in real school. Then I read an article a while back. I've been trying to find it so that I could link it here but no luck. The article was from another homeschooling mother who said that if you don't give homeschooling 100% you won't succeed. If you keep the idea of, "you can put your child back in school if you feel like it's not for you" you won't succeed. That's what i've been doing. The plan was to "try" it out for a year and see where we go from there. Well that hasn't been working out too great for me. This other mother suggested we look at it as, there is no other option. If we don't teach our children and give them our best, then we are failing our children and we won't succeed with our home school. So far this semester has been going soo much better than last. I'm trying to keep it up the best I can. So pray for me! haha

I feel like I've been in this photographic rut. I have this huge passion for landscape photography, but right now in my life, there's no possible way for me to be able to travel to do what I love. I can take pictures of people every week but nothing touches my heart like being out in nature and experiencing beautiful places with breathtaking views. Even if I didn't have a camera, experiencing nature in extraordinary places nourishes your soul. It's like a connection to God and I wonder if being in those places is what it will be like in heaven.

In other news I've been doing Tone It Up! I've been eating a lot healthier than I used to and I've been working out consistently. I will admit that I have been cheating here and there. It's hard when you have kids and a husband who won't eat the same food as you. Who else wants to eat kale? I don't...but I gotta. haha I have been feeling better and I've been less tired throughout the days. I can definitely tell the difference with all of my diet changes. I've only had coke once since the new year. That's a big deal for me. We took all the kids to the movie so it was necessary. haha I went to the movies again by myself and the temptation to fill up my popcorn bucket and get a soda was strong, but I resisted. yay!

I hope everyone has a great Monday! Actually, it's up to YOU to make it GREAT!
xoxo -Cesia

Monday, January 16, 2017

I'm In La La Land

The first time I saw the trailer for this movie, La La Land, I fell in love. Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone...heck yes. Oh and it's a musical? Well this sounds like the perfect movie! Let me tell you. This movie exceeded my expectations. Justin Hurwitz did an exceptional job with composing all of the music. I was very impressed. Damien Chazelle, bravo!! This modern day musical was amazing and made this girl's heart very happy. I don't think I stopped smiling through out the entire movie...except towards the end. I have to admit that I did tear up a bit. Last but not least, Mandy Moore, who choreographed all the dances did an amazing job as well! This film was nothing but magical. 

The music alone moved me. I've been listening to the soundtrack on youtube non-stop. It's soo good. Ryan Gosling did a heck of job learning all of the piano pieces for the movie within four months! That's a lot of dedication! I'm beyond impressed. If anyone watched Emma's golden globe speech...she's absolutely right. This movie is for dreamers. This movie honestly inspired me to start dreaming again. I feel like I've sort of given up on my dreams because there are soo many people out there who have the same dreams as me. When I watch other movies and see the siblings who have that simple life with the husband and kids, I always think that I don't want to be the sibling who settles down for the simple life. I want to be the protagonist who lives an adventurous life and takes chances!

For those of you who know me, I've always dreamed of becoming a professional singer, but I always felt that this person or that person was soo much better than me, and I got it in my head that I just wasn't good enough. I wanted to be an actor too, but any time I attempted to try out for a part in a play I would get stage fright and either forget my lines or stutter. Yea, I never got a main role in a play or a musical. So because of my stage fright, I gave up on my dreams. So thanks to this movie I'm starting to dream again and I should try harder at what makes my heart jump out of my chest and really makes me happy inside and out. I've been in La La Land this whole week just dreaming and I've actually found myself singing more around the house. Is it possible to fall in love with a musical? 

Anyways, if you haven't seen this movie yet I highly recommend it!

I've been waiting to watch it for a good while now. I was kind of upset because I was thinking that I was going to have to wait for it to come out on dvd...but lucky me, I convinced the husband to watch the kids. I drove 35-40 minutes to town to see this movie...by myself. It reminded me of my high school days when I'd go see several movies by myself after school just so that I could enjoy the movie without any talk or someone next to me to distract me. On the weekends my sister and I would go to Blockbuster and rent a ton of movies new and old to watch during the weekend. I miss Blockbuster. There's no movie rental places anywhere near me, so Netflix and Amazon Prime it is.

Go watch this movie! :D

Monday, January 2, 2017

Welcome 2017!!

It's the first Monday of the new year and I'm feeling great! I woke up as early as I could this morning...8:17am. I set my alarm for earlier but it was shut off after one minute. I don't remember doing that but I guess I did! haha Anyways, when I woke up I was thinking about getting on Netflix to watch a rerun of a novela I had already watched, Lo Que La Vida Me Robo, I just can't get enough of Angelique and Sebastian. Okay getting off track! Instead of doing that, I ate breakfast and read my bible and I feel really good. Something about praying and reading the word as soon as you wake up makes you feel better throughout the day. So I did that...and now I'm here writing...or I should really say typing. 😅

Totally off topic again but I'm sitting on my couch and decided I wanted to extend my feet. I was worried the blanket wouldn't reach, but what do you know? It does. Well that's one good thing about being short! 😁 This is probably not even funny to you but I thought it was funny. I'm always complaining about being short but this is a plus. haha!

Okay so this post does have a purpose. I wanted to share my wishes for 2017.

  1. This year I hope to achieve progress with my physical health. I am always on and off with my fitness routines and eating healthy. For me it's hard to stick to a plan and finish. I want to finally finish a six week fitness plan. They say it takes 21 days to break bad habits. I've never reached 21 days. So this year I want to reach it and go beyond. Today is the first day of eating healthy and actually working out. I haven't worked out today yet but it's in my plans. If any of you would like to know what plan I'm doing, it's the Tone It Up new year challenge Look For Love. It's six weeks and lasts until Valentines Day! So I will be eating chocolate on valentines day if anyone buys me any! 😁If you want to sign up just click on the link and sign up! I've been a member for many years so i already have access to all the nutrition plans and the recipes and the plans are lifesavers! I could not do it on my own!
  2. I want to be spiritually active, which means I spend time with God as soon as I wake up each morning. It can be anything from reading the word out loud, praying, talking, putting on worship music to worship Him. Throughout the day I will say little prayers thanking Him and putting all of my fears and worries on Him. I want to honor Him in everything I do.
  3. I want to put some of our savings into education for myself. I'm homeschooling Judah and Micah and I think It would be smart to put some education and knowledge into myself to be able to teach my kids better. I would also like to take some photography and business classes to keep refreshing my knowledge on the subjects. We all learn new things everyday. Even the stuff you think you know, you really may not. 
  4. I want to be more adventurous. I know I have kids and it may be harder but it's not impossible! I want to take my kids to see the wonders of the world! I want them to experience the peace I feel when I'm at the top of the mountains, or at the feet of the ocean. I want them to see all that God has created and relish in it.
  5. I want to be more generous and caring towards others. I feel like this has always been a struggle for me and I want to get better and be better. I want to care for others naturally and not have to think about it. I sometimes find myself not caring for others after the fact and then I feel really bad and re-run the situation or conversation in my head and think, 'well that wasn't really nice...I should have done this or said that.' I want to better myself!
 These are my wishes for 2017! I have a lot more that I would like to accomplish but I have to take small steps and work towards getting to those other goals I have in mind.
Happy New Year!

Sunday, January 1, 2017

Adios 2016

Here are my most favorite memories from 2016!

  1. Keeta had puppies and Batgirl pictured above was the last pup to go. She was beautiful!
  2. It snowed enough in Kansas for us to play in it for days. I always love watching the kids play in the snow. It's my favorite!
  3. We drove an hour or two out of the way early one morning to see the sunrise at Tall Grass Prairie in Kansas. It was freezing and Evan thought it was smart to wear sandals. haha
  4. We went home for Easter and we had a big family get together with Evan's side.
  5. Judah's big 5! He wanted a Batman birthday and that's exactly what he got!
  6. We went to Mexico for a family wedding and got to visit Ixtapa for a week before leaving.
  7. Evan graduated from Airborne school in Georgia!
  8. One week before we left Kansas we went on a trip to a nearby conservation nature center. It was kind of like our last hurrah before leaving.
  9. Our last stop on our week adventure driving across the country to North Carolina. Pictured above was at a state park in West Virginia. We loved driving through there! It was soo beautiful.
  10. Our first month in North Carolina, we visited Raleigh to take the kids to the Marbles Museum. We ate at a really delicious restaurant afterwords and then went to an old historic mill. I wore the wrong shoes and my feet were hurting! But it was a great day!
  11. I started homeschooling with Judah! It was a big step for him and me!
  12. Micah's birthday! My mom, dad, and sister came for it! It was soo special!
  13. To keep the momentum going, we took the 3 hour drive to the beach for Micah's birthday! Soo beautiful. 
  14. In November I finally went to the mountains! Pictured above was an overlook overlooking Grandfather Mountain.
  15. Ezrah on his birthday! I made him a homemade cake and Judah, Micah, and Ezrah finished it within two days! It was quite an ugly cake but at least it tasted good. :)
There were soo many good memories this year but this blog post would be super long if I posted all of them.
There have been ups and downs but mostly good ups. I hope 2017 is even better. Goodbye 2016, hello 2017! :)

Happy New Year everyone!